Did my practice

Was finished by noon.

I filmed a lot. Takes so much time to then process & upload though, even in my basic, rudimentary fashion.

Not that I'll post any drop backs again for a good, long time unless I make some sort of miraculous progress, but I did try strapping my big toes together for a drop back. Funny! My feet still manage to swivel a bit, though not as much, but then I cannot for the life of me stand up. So there we go.

I absolutely raced through the first bit of the 3rd today. Managed to bind both sides of Viranchyasana A and I also got both Viparita exits. So I'll post those clips, in which I do not suck.

Oh well... youtube is having a problem processing the Viparita clip, even though I went out, got lunch & ate it, it's not ready. Might think it's a dupe. It's not. Stupid youtube.

Here's Viranchy A anyway. And now it's time to work.

What I am thankful for

1. My intellect
2. My physical & emotional strength
3. My health
4. The fact that I have somehow, miraculously managed to carve out a niche for myself, this dedication to the pursuit of my practice and my spiritual goals
5. My friends
6. My teachers
7. Grudgingly at the moment, my mother. She did pay for my college education, and I didn't waste a dime.

Horoscopes by Holiday for November 26 (Holiday Mathis)
At first it will be too easy to lose sight of what is really important on this day of thanksgiving. But then the Pisces moon takes over to put things in perspective. "Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving." — H.U. Westermayer

Now this is funny...

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You've traveled to be with loved ones you haven't seen in a while, or they've journeyed to be with you. You may, in this process, realize why you live so far apart. Still, saying "thank you" is a prayer that is always heard.

WRONG!!! Wrong, wrong, wrong, Miss Holiday Mathis. This ain't no Hallmark card. I started making my list before I scrolled down to read the particular forecast for Pisces. I forgot one:

8. I don't need family support. If anyone's ever seen that sarcastic greeting card, If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet? Well... If I really needed them... That might sound bitter but it's merely sarcastic!



I think I'll order Thai today. I can smell someone's cooking. Smells buttery!!!!

Sir Elton John speaks about Freddie Mercury...

Awww and oh my GOD. I just watched Four Christmases too. I have a new respect for Reese W.

Friday (Wednesday!) night with the cat

And I'm soooo happy about it. I really feel content lately. I'm in student mode. I'm happy about the weekend because I can still work, but I have SO much more time for yoga. I'll try not to self flagellate too much... I've decided to stay here and practice alone both Thurs and Fri. Had a conversation with therapist boss about it. Why do I want to travel all the way to 86th St & pay for a drop in for Primary? I don't. I'll work better alone, or I'll do a low key. Either way I don't seem to require any company.

Sooo... the Momster. I'm pretty decisive. I'm strong. I've always had to be that way, relying upon myself alone. I'm also comfortable in that state, now. Wasn't always the case but I have reached a level of nearly complete, emotional self sufficiency. I'd waited on making my next India plans until after I saw how the September visit to NH would go. Would she help me at all in a holiday cruise or would she expect it all to be her, her, her? I got my answer in the Camera Fiasco.

My sister is hosting a Thanksgiving party with her husband. Her cherished inlaws from his side will be there. Momster emailed me today to tell me that she is going. That was all she needed to say. She went on to add that Sue is somehow carting around Dave's parents and is giving her a ride home to NH after and so can't help me with Logan airport or anything.

As if:
1) I'd ever expect either my mother or sister to do the slightest thing for me anyway, given history and

2) I'd go anyway.

That pissed me off a bit, but as I started to read further my blood simmered. It was more shit about her not agreeing with my friends' families who help out their offspring and so forth. I hit the delete button and emptied the trash.

I will NOT engage in this kind of conversation with her. I simply will not do it. We aren't all that far from complete estrangement. She knows my position. I'm thinking India #4 and India #5. I am doing my own thing. If she wants to see me any time in the next year or so, she can come here and stay in a hotel. That is it. That's final.

It's no wonder neither my sister or I ever had children.

Anyway I think I handled that pretty well. With the lack of response she sent me another, saner email at the end of the day, not laden with moral indignation or accusations. I responded to that one. I told her I hope that she has a good day in Boston and that is the truth.

Along with surrender comes a certain blase attitude

Skipped it again. I'd fully intended to go. Went to bed at the right time. I'd had a half bottle of wine though, but that's pretty normal. I don't feel much of a direction and drive but that's largely because I miss you know who. Had a conversation last night with Neene. For awhile I hadn't tried to make any plans with either her or SHD. I figured we'd be reconvening soon and it'd happen naturally. Obviously it hasn't worked out like that.

No one has energy like Christopher, she said. It's so true.

There's so much that goes into being a great teacher. The practice and experiential knowledge is part of it for sure. But intensity of interest, quality of attention, ability to motivate and inspire... These are all very different things. You can have the most talented practitioner in the world, but if he or she does not have these other qualities, they will never be more than mediocre as teachers. (I am not dissing Greg here either. He's a good teacher.)

So whatever! I'm just doing maintenance. The only really strong assist I got yesterday was Chakra B. Even so, it's a bit less than it has been, and we haven't pushed it beyond the point it got to two months ago. So when I was first hitting the snooze starting at 5, I asked myself it was worth getting up and carrying all that stuff to the shala for that. YA isn't here either. If my practice twin is out of town...

I reset the alarm for 6, thinking I might just do a self practice here. But I'm doing that tomorrow. Friday I might go drop in at Pure and do a primary with David. This is Sandor's idea! The only thing is then I'd have to expose the crappy drop backs to a new person, and they're always EXTRA sucky on Fridays!

I'll be pretty much working through most of the weekend. Work, work, work. But still it'll be easier than a normal schedule. I might work 7-8 hours between Thurs & Fri combined. I might not do anything social.

I watched the three drop back clips again last night - Sharath and those other people. I played the stop action game. I kept stopping the clip to LOOK at the body. Oooh I wish I could absorb it into my body via my eyes.

Here's one of them broken down.


Here's a clip of me doing my modified Venki style standing arches with a weight, from last Sunday. Should be possible...




Monday I thought they were a bit better, less heel swiveling and smooth. Yesterday they were sort of back to normal. The stand part... I don't voluntarily move my feet on the drop. With my particular body and bad technique, the weight of the drop pulls the swivel. When I'm standing though, if I don't just touch fingers to ground, or come up onto fingertips (either one), I do still quickly flipper my feet to stand.

Probably I have to fix that lack of ability to get anywhere.

All this makes tick tocks seem way less important. When I get ready to work on those regularly it'll be much, much, much easier. I've got the strength and flexibility. I already know I'm capable of the mechanics. It'll be all about slowing it down and catching that backward exit in the middle, aka the Viparitas.

ANYway....

I'm long winded cause I have plenty of time. Let me just close with saying I'm soooooo happy I don't have to engage in holiday travel or dysfunctional family relations.

The White Stripes-You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told)

Ya I don't know what it is either, but I'm not particularly good at following orders.

Nope!

Hasn't worked. Didn't work. Oh well and surrender! I was less focused and a bit less open today anyway.

I won't worry about it. I think I might watch the three clips I posted of the Good Stuff, once per day, and have that be the extent of it.